O.0

I'm scared. For what, or because of what, you may ask. Well, I'll tell you.

I had this weird dream last night. The Hulk was in it, and I went on a cruise and lived in a mansion. Well, the part that scares me is that in my dream I was I guess you could say raped. I'm not talking about sex rape, I'm talking about getting close. When the hulk guy was finished with the partial rape, he told me he was going to try to find me later and "get some more of that." I sped walked to the room I had, and apparently I had Erin over, cause I told her about it. Then I woke up.

At first it meant nothing! Now I'm scared for my life cause I've been thinking about it. Does that mean something that I had it in a dream, or... Idk, but I'm really scared now. I keep getting chills just thinking about it.

Today

I haven't done one of these in a long time, but now I wanna try. Version 2.0, with God! Sights included.

First, I am trying to starve myself. This is the only place I can say it, and be open with it. I'm trying to get skinnyier because everyone I know is paper thin, and I'm over here with loos fat nearly muffin-toppin. So, I starve. I'm trying not to eat at all. I mean, I have 3 meals a day, but there is nearly nothing to them. I had one plate of eggs this morning, one small plate, and I felt like that was too much, like I needed to go and puke it back up. Don't worry, I'm not buleimic, I'm just goong to try not to eat. I've seen my friends do this and have gotten reasons why this is bad for you, but in this case, the benifits outweigh the risks. I'm always hungry now, but that's something I'm going to have to get used to.

Bri and I actually talked today. Like, walking down the hallways kinda slowly talking about life. That was a good part of my day. We don't exactly talk much, and since Brooke is in the other lunch this year, we don't even sit together. But we do sit in the same room. ...Nah, that doesn't count.

I'm working on a novella or novel or story or whatever on here, but I haven't found the time or inspiration. It'll hit me one night after I can't get on the computer, then I forget it by morning. And if I do remember it, the next dday it sounds retarded. So that's gonna take awhile.

I need the third Pretty Little Liars book, and I need the last Clique and Hollywood Secrets books. I read them in like a day. Thank you library for finally reopening!

Well, I need to go work on that other blog post, but I ask you this to leave with: please see past my fake smile and small laughs. Inside I'm dying for something, but I don't know what. I need friend help.

Ugh

Why did I get that stupid text in the first place? Now because of that I feel that our friendship is in jeopardy, and there isn't much to do to fix until school. I mean, you aren't a big technology guy, except for cameras of course, and that means I hardly get texts. I still like you, I just think that this year it might not work out because of that stupid text. We can still be friends, but that's it. I think that's all we can be.

And you know, that's fine, because high school'll come up, make an awesome summer, and then fade away into different schools, friends, and teachers. Since you're probably going to that music school, and I'm hopefully going to Nease, we'll be split up. But any girl that doesn't like cameras, blond haired guys, not saying "I love you", or funny yet immature guys, doesn't really need to be with you. I know I'm probably sounding really b*tchy right now, but excuse me, I'm sorry.

You know, I'm sorry for everything. Sorry if I ever hurt you a little too much, haha like the crotch kick :D. That was funny. Sorry for apparently getting angry. I just asked you if love was a strong word. You came back with, and I quote:

"Hey. I thought we where never "going out" I thought we would THINK about goig out over the summer and the phrase "I love u" isn't used until a person gets engaged, or at least that's what my parents taught me."

I asked you if "love" was a strong word. I thought you knew about that text, since it came from your phone. Apparently not. Did you get it out of Brooke or something...? Or did you think I was going to say "I love you". Well? Because I was going to ask YOU about the "I love you" you sent me.

And what I think is that you can say "I love you" to somebody before you get engaged, but only if you love them with your heart and soul. I don't think you do. So, I'm sorry, but...

That's What You Get

Hey

Hey, another telepathic message from me to you.

Saw your retarded picture of you after being in that creek thing. Lol, epic fail. I just had to comment. Kinda shocked that your dad isn't defending you. I guess you might have told your parents.

I still haven't told mine. They keep teasing me about the guys that look at me, and how "they must be intrested", but I really don't care. I have you (updated before cruise), and that's all I need. If you check my YouTube, the first video is of just me, with my family talking to me about how I need a boyfriend, and I'm like "NOOO, I"M GOOD." Hey, they were comparing you to a slobbering dog. I had to deny. Also I'm afraid of what they'll say. I remember before the Art Cafe, they asked if I like anyone. I said no. That changed that night. I have a feeling they'll get suspicious. Julie already knows though. At least I'm not called Brachel at home. Ugh, I still have to get Sammy...

Man, I really wish you didn't put your phone on airplane mode. I want to text you so bad, I'm starting to hurt inside. But you're off with family you hardly see, and you don't want anything disturbing you, so I understand. I guess I'm just to selfish. You know, I want the best things, i.e., your camera. Ugh, I want it soo much. I saw it at Sears and kept standing by it, you know, using the lense, willing it to suddenly turn on (Even though it would scare the crap outta me)... But at least Julie got a picture of me with the camera. It's on my phone, but oh well that's what I get for not looking like an idiot and carrying my camera all the time.

Hey, what do you think of three pictures as a gift? Not for you, but for my dad. I took two (because one of them is of me), but one's of me, one's of Julie, and one's of the train tracks we were sitting and standing on. Haha, thank your dad for me for the idea. But no, we weren't standing near the train when it was passing by. We stayed a small distance away. It was weird though. I couldn't feel the train coming when I sat on the tracks. But sure enough, the train came not 10 minutes later. Weird. But I thought that would be a good gift for him for his birthday. I just need to get Julie's picture printed, and a frame... But I think it'll be perfect. I mean, I've certainly up-ed on my picture taking. I guess it's like your dad said, it takes practice.

Man, I can't wait until you and I get back to Florida. Maybe then we can get the crew together and just hang out at the pool for a few hours. Just please don't leave like last time without saying goodbye. It makes me feel like I did something wrong, and then I feel terrible. I know I didn't do anything bad, it's just that I felt like that when you left. Please don't even do that again.

Maybe when school starts again, we can hang out more. I don't know for what though, maybe math help. If you're skipping pre-algebra and going straight into algebra, I might get the same class as you, because I'm also in algebra this year. That's what getting a level 5 does to you.

I just hope we get the same lunch. My favorite memories of you, of us, are from lunch. And band, but I know we have the same band class. Like when you were supposed to hug the girl that was fake flirting with you, but you came around and hugged me instead then ran off? I was pissed, but I like that memory. You're just lucky I started liking you. You would have bruises now.

Well, I gotta sleep sometime, so same time tomorrow? Well, duh.

Goodnight, ilu, Rachel

Sad

My apparently old friend Myah just made me really sad.

I tweeted that I was all set for school...

(ME) Im ready for school. Everything is packed I just need my schedual and calculator and Im off! Friends dont be suprised if I have dark circles

(HER) haha school doesn't come for us yet

(ME) When does your's start?

(HER) August 9th

(ME) Haha. Try the 23rd

(HER) the 23rd of what?

(ME) Of August, what else?

(HER) aww you suck

(ME) Nope, it's just the awesome school system. At least you don't start at 7:50 and wake up at 6

(HER) they changed ours to 9:00 hehe :)

(ME) OMGOSH! NO FREAKIN WAY! URGH, why'd I have to move?

(HER) cuz you suck

(ME) I don't suck. It's just my dad's job. At least I'm not moving this summer

(HER) yep

(ME) Eh, I'm happy that's I'm in Florida. I got some good friends

(HER) Yeah and you just tossed us to the side like dirty laundry TT_TT

(ME) I did not! I still talk to you guys. :( Now I'm all sad and a little guilty

(HER) you should feel bad

(ME) Trust me, I do ::(

Her next-to-latest post:

(HER)

My level of tolerance, forgiveness and love just hit a low

Now I'm really sad. I've been listening to "Welcome To The Black Parade" on a loop for about 15 minutes now. Man, I really wish I could go and join the Black Parade right now...

4th time so far. Adding it to my iPod so I can just put it on replay

Short Story 3: To Stay Young

My mom looked at the girl in the short shorts, tank top, piercings, and blue hair. She sighed.

"I just don't want Julie to turn out this way," she said, motioning to the girl.

"Trust me mom, I know. Julie's just retarded that way. If she wants to look terrible, it's what she wants," I reply, shrugging.

"I know, it's just I really don't want to have a daughter to look this way. She already looks bad wearing black all the time." Mom sighed again. "I don't want a delinquent child, that's all."

The line we were in moved, and we went.

Later that night, when everything was perfectly normal, Mom started making dinner. Julie came and sat down at the table, listening to her iPod and not caring about anything. I stared her down, silently telling her, Be a good child, not this retarded goth girl. She didn't get the note.

"Julie, stop listening to your iPod," Mom said tiredly.

Julie turned her iPod off but didn't take out her headphone.

Finally Dad came home from work. He ate, then everyone went to their nightly spots. Julie's was in the tv room, mine in my room, the parents downstairs below my feet. We stayed there until it was time to sleep. Julie finally came out, just jumping into bed, clothes and all.

I slept that night soundly. I did not rouse once. I was out.

The next morning I was awoken by my dad, shaking me, yelling at me. I couldn't hear anything, but it all happened to fast. He was shaking me, yelling in my face, blaming me for what happened to Julie, then my mom came in my room and tried getting him to stop shaking me, for I was getting a headache, and he just kept pointing at me and left the room. Mom looked at me with a look of despair and happiness. I didn't know it then, but she murdered Julie.

I went to school that day, but I wasn't "there." I knew something was wrong when I passed Julie's room the door was closed. I talked with my friends about it, and they just said "I don't know" repeatedly. I was still worried, but my friends made me forget about it for the time being.

When I got home, there were caution ropes and police surrounding the house. I set my book bag down and stared at the madness in front of me. Mom was being interrogated be the police on one side of the yard, Dad on the other, police coming toward me to interrogate me, and a few guys in black carrying a body bag out of the front door. I took my phone and immediently texted my friends that everything wasn't all right, that my sister was dead. I went to sleep last night, while she was being murdered. I told them I felt terrible, and if they had any advice or could take me in for a while I would appreciate it. I got no replies back. Then the interrogation started.

I was hooked up to a lie detector and asked a series of control questions. I was asked it it was currently sunny outside, if my name was Rachel, if I was in a seated position. Then they got into the real questions. I was asked about last night, if I had heard anything, if I saw anything strange. When they kept asking me about my dead sister, I felt nothing. No pain, no sadness, just empty. They finally let me loose.

I was allowed inside the house, to gather my stuff, to get anything I might need since I wouldn't be coming back for a long time. By that time I had gotten four replies from friends, two for a place to stay, all for sympathy. I still felt empty.

I wanted to stay home, but I was told by the shrink there that it would be best if I stayed away from the house awhile. I went to stay witl a friend while my parents remained home.

I stayed with my friend Sammy, who let me live in her house for about a month. Since I was in the same neighborhood as most of my friends, they kept coming by and giving me sympathy, but they cheered me up. That was the best part while I stayed with Sammy, to know I had friends that really cared.

The police kept interrogating my mom, thinking they were on to something. She kept denying, and because she wasn't on a lie detector, they believed her. She's a good liar. She kept them going for months.

They finally got her, when they asked her about the day she and I shared waiting in line when we saw the blue-haired chick. She broke down, talking about how she wanted Julie to stay her, not this goth punk that wouldn't listen to anyone and live her way. They took her in that day.

Dad and I still go and see her, but I think we won't go anymore. I think it kills Dad for him to see the woman he loved that killed his daughter. It still hurt me. I still fall asleep ever night crying, remembering all the times I yelled at Julie for the smallest things. Only my friends kept me alive.

Summer. Day Number ?

It's so boring... Man, I can't wait until school starts again. I'll be all over this again like flies on food. Werid simile (Yeah, I know too much)? VERY. No, but it's weird. When I'm supposed to be doing something, such as homework, I blog. Weird, maybe. Fun, totally.

It's so boring... Wait, I already sad that. Well it is. Earlier I wasn't bored enough, making annoying sounds, enjoying life. Now I'm really bored. Man I wish my life was a piece of toast covered in peanut butter. It's got a nice spread in some areas, but then in others nothing. No consistency. Curse you oncoming ADHD and Dora!

I'm gonna Tweet and Fbook now... Night!

Why?

I'm stuck. Remember my last post, where two guys told me they loved me. One meant it, and Bri IRDK. But now that's coming to get me.
Ok:

• Andrew likes me
• I like Brian
• Brian (I really hope, IDK anymore) likes me

Now Andrew's off using "those three words" (that's what I'll call it) on me again, and now he's asking why my life is so complicated even after I told him main points. Yes, this might be the Summer for Love," but it shouldn't be algebra hard. Help me, I'm so confused right now...

Day IDK-Already of Summer

Slept over at Moe's last night... She has a weird borther. No, two, because she has the older and the youunger... Her older bro scared me last night. She provoked him into doing something random, so he comes into the kitchen (Where Moe and I were) wearing this mad embaressed look that I mastered (It's what a schoolyear of what I had does to ya), walks up to me, and stares me down. I couldn't run, because there was a gate blocking me out. "Moe, he's scaring me," is what I say. He then goes up to her and says, "There. Happy?" and storms off. Lol, Moe pissed him off.
Ok, so Moe picked me up at my house, and we went straight to the pool. We saw Ash and Tri, but other than them nobody. She wished Bri was there. I punched her. "Not for you, for other reasons!" I kept punching her knee underwater. Lol, she kept falling in the water...
Uk, I'm probably not going to type like this everyday, so bye! Until something intresting happens, bye.


Who am I kidding? There is the most intresting thing that happened last. Ok, everyone reading this blog knows how Bri and I like each other. Well, I got a text last night, from him, saying,
"I love u!!!" Exact keys, that's what it says. No joke.
I was like, "WTFrench toast?!?!" I'm dead serious, I texted him that back.
Well, what was I supposed to do? He is the one who said "Love is a strong word." I think it was Bro though. We were texting this morning, and she told me she saw a movie with him. So it was probably her. That still freaks me out though. You would freak out too if you were in my shoes. It wasn't a happy suprise either. It was just a "HOLY $H!+!!!!" suprise. I read it at 1 AM too, so it just keeps adding on. This coming from the guy who worked the dump truck via text. He's so confused. :D
Also today. You know Andrew Downs? Of course you don't. We used to, still are, friends. We met in 5th grade, but middle school came, he went to Arnold, and I went to Double Churches, the medeoker school where my life changed. I wanted to go to Arnold because of the magnet program there, and it was pretty high up on the schools list for smart kids. You go there, you probably go to Columbus High School. Another really nice and smart school I will never go to.
Ok, so back to the story. He posted something on my Facebook page, it was like "When did you first meet Rachel?" He said "5th grade- The worst year of my life." I did the little smiley face, cause I know I made it his worst year. :D So he replys, "ahh I luv u rachel". No comment.
Two "I love you"s in two days. What is summer doing to people?

Day 2 of Summer

Short one today, not much happened.
Ok, so I woke up at 8 am. Early, IKR? Yeah, so went downstairs, eyes still closed, made myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes, and was pouring the milk when I woke up and realized that we were almost out of milk, and Julie still needed milk for her cereal. So I only got enough milk to cover the bottom of the bowl. Wonderful start to a day. >.<
All day was pretty boring.